Yo Yo Yo! All you suckas from Gallifrey ain't got nothin' on me! From my suits, to my chucks you can't touch Doctor T! I'm a Time Lord, so nerd is inferred, but forget what you heard I'm like James Bond the third, sh-sh-sh-shaken not stirred - I'm the Doctor! The D's silent when I sneak through your door and make love to your woman on the bathroom floor. I don't play it like Shaggy, you'll know it was me. Cause the next time you see her she'll be like, OOH! DOCTOR T!
Let me tell you something about the Master. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then during the Time War, I started hanging out in my first TARDIS which was totally gorgeous but then I had to steal it, and the Master was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out in the TARDIS, he'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for the Time War, which was an all-Time Lord vs Dalek war, I was like, "Master, I can't invite you, because I think you're a psycho." I mean I couldn't have a psycho in the Time War. There were gonna be Daleks there trying to kill us all! I mean, right? He was a PSYCHO. So then his TARDIS called my TARDIS and started yelling at her, it was so retarded, and then he dropped out of time and space because no one would talk to him, and he came back at the end of the universe, his beard was gone and he was totally weird, and now I guess he's Prime Minister.
orange girls making kissy-faces in posed group photos “bros” with their tight cutoffs and shitty tattoos, making a huge show about how they smoke weed little freshman biddies that constantly hit on the “bros” and just general stupid people with no personalities who don’t like music or books or anything that is even remotely interesting all over my facebook newsfeed all the time
So I’m going to Vienna in three days and it’s gonna be so fucking cold there and my idiotic parents are not letting me wear my leather Converse because of the coldness so I have to go and buy some shoes tomorrow but we could just as well throw that money away because I won’t wear them anyways and why won’t my parents just GTFO and stop looking over my shoulder when I’m on my laptop and leave. me. alone.
Wake up in the morning feeling like 'allons-y', got my converse, I'm out the TARDIS, gonna save this species. Before I leave, grab my 3D glasses to spot dimentional residue, cause when I leave for Torchwood I've got badassing to do. I'm talking cybermen coming in droves, droves. Daleks heating up like stoves, stoves. Rose kicking ass like woah, woah. Exploding doors with my cool screwdriver, Mickey hugs Rose and highfives her, time to save the world aaaaagaaaaiiiiiinnnn. Delete, exterminate, daleks'n'cybermen both hate me and Rose, cause we're pros at kicking robot ass fo'sho. Tick tock, screw the clock, I'm a timelord suck my cock. Wait! RoOoOoOse! RoOoOoOse!